All my life I have always considered myself as someone who was born to write. Did it matter that the last time I wrote something was in my fourth year in high school? Nope.
Whenever someone asked me if I write I’d nod my head yeah! With the guilt eating me up, thinking of that one story I wrote in high school.
I told myself yep that counted, and hoping to God they would not ask any more question but it was almost always followed by “Oh yeah? What do you write?” Every single time this happened, I would sincerely ask myself that question in the hopes that maybe since the last time I was asked I had managed to add something to the short list of things I had written but that was always never the case.
I have so many things I want to say, so many stories floating around in my head, so many ideas that I want I put down but the fear of failure has been keeping me from actually giving it a go, the fear that I won’t be good at something I so desperately wanted to do ever since I was inspired by Mama’s writing. I have always had obstacles when it comes to putting down words, always something stopping me. The most common one being I’ll do it later when I have more time, or simply telling myself I don’t know what to write. Yep, all the common excuses that keep me from being who I want to be.
Once when I was little I was upset about the way I was treated by someone older that I got my book out and wrote nasty words about her (as nasty as a 8 year old could come up with), words that I can’t remember anymore but I got caught and the book where I put down my private thoughts were passed around from person to person as they read what was meant for only me. I felt betrayed by myself, I felt violated by my own words and that they couldn’t be trusted. I was taught to never write down bad feelings about others and to just keep it in my mind so I wouldn’t get into trouble and so I did.
In university I had a group mate that wasn’t meeting me halfway and wasn’t seeing things the same way I was. I was furious and took to Twitter to vent my feelings and I tried to use vague words but of course I was still found out and decided that tweeting wasn’t for me. Those were the two times I used my words to hurt people and so whenever I write I try to do it carefully, scared to hurt feelings, scared to step on toes but I have let that hold me back for too long when there is still so much I have to say. So no more holding back with dumb excuses. It’s time to write to inspire, to share and not to hurt anyone’s feeling. It doesn’t matter if what I am writing is award winning or not as long as I am writing.
Did I just hear mama say, “That´s the spirit”?