Somewhere in the Middle

Now that I am ready to share this blog with readers I have come up with two possible scenarios that could happen:

1. You could hate it. Tell me I’m wasting my time. Not get my jokes. Not understand why I am being so open with my feelings, after all it´s 2017 and feelings just aren’t in (it’s the year we would rather share how amazing our life is, share that new trendy place we finally got to try rather than show a glimpse of what we are struggling with.  Heck I’m guilty of this.)

You could think, “Oh no, another friend of mine starting a freaking blog, Lord save us”. You could give me advice about how I should quit while I’m ahead, use my time “wisely” (sure like scrolling endlessly on Instagram, THANKS!). This will get me disappointed, I’ll listen to your VERY BAD PIECE OF ADVICE and give up writing. What’s the point of having a blog anyway? I’ll stop for a month or two and then finally one day I’ll have enough courage to say, “SCREW IT!” and start writing again because I would have genuinely missed it. I’ll think, “So what if only mama likes and reads my blog? At least I have one reader, that’s good enough.” OR

2.You could love it. Tell me to keep going, encourage me because you understand where I’m going with this. You could appreciate how honest and open I am being with my feelings and how hard that must be for me. Maybe even relate with me on some level because you are going through a similar thing. You could say I’m a really good writer and that you can’t wait for my very own published book (telling me I could dream even bigger, why stop with a blog?). This would get me very eager, knowing that people actually want to read what I write. I’ll say “Yep, I am a real writer now, ha!” I’ll feel on top of the world for maybe a week as encouraging messages keep coming in saying you can’t wait for more. I will appreciate every single word and be thankful but that’s also when I’ll feel the pressure. I’ll sit in front of my laptop for hours trying to decide what to write next, how to make you happy and keep you entertained (EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU). Who am I to disappoint you? I’ll stop writing with my heart and start using my brain way too much. Eventually I’ll stop writing all together (It’s better to not write than to write something crappy, right?). I’ll decide I have nothing to more to say – and you were wrong. I’ll advice myself to just spend my time scrolling endlessly on Instagram. I’ll take my VERY GOOD PIECE OF ADVICE thinking, “Yep! I’ve used up all my writing mojo. It sure was fun while it lasted! One day I’ll look back in my life and reminisce about what was, no matter how short it was.” Then after a few weeks when you have given up on me (but only because I gave up on myself first) I will remember that no matter what I write I’ll still have that one loyal reader, and even if I give up on myself she won’t ever give up on me (because that’s what mothers do) and I’ll use that thought to write something I don’t completely hate.

So, whatever happens the chances are that I would stop writing for a few weeks and I would really like to avoid that. My only other option would be to send everything I write to the folder “NOT FOR THE WORLD” on my laptop. Everyone knows you do your best writing when it’s just for you, NO PRESSURE WHATSOEVER. But that would defeat the purpose, seeing that I spent so much time writing and designing this blog and I’m excited to share it with you. So, I’ll share it with the hopes that you love some and not completely hate the rest. Meet me somewhere in the middle, that way I can keep writing. If you really had to choose though then please by all means LOVE IT.